you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
