just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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