i need an iv and a liver transplant
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize