She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
