Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
how drunk are you?
Several
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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