She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
