i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
