His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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