had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
