she is the kim kardashian of front butts
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
