Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
