First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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