and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize