Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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