my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
