So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
