I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
