Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sarcasm needs its own font
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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