The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
