We should be called the Road Head Warriors
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
