Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize