**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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