Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
