I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
