she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
