I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
