So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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