Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
