How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
