I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
