I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
