I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
