I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
