so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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