Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
