Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
