So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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