i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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