I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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