I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
