Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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