guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
