she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
