So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
