I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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