jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
