Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
