once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He better not be in your backpack
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
