You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
