can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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