Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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