we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
