You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think my fart just growled at me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I will pee on everything he values.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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