Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your penis caused this!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
