to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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