You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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