my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
