Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I want to have your abortion
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
