He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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