So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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