I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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