today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
