so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
