the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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