All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
