Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
