My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
